some stories are so funny; we laugh until we cry and some stories are so sad we cry before we finish, but all stories need to be told...

Friday, November 19, 2010

the name game

so yesterday i started to talk about our name- rude eve's and then i stopped.
today i am ready to share.
now before you read any further:
WARNING: this blog may contain politically incorrect terms- no offense at all is meant- please note that i am only taking from my real life (which includes my amazingly sexy beautiful west indian (black) partner, sly and our 3 year old who truly is the color of a cocoa bean).
okay, here we go
the name: rude eve's
"obvious" many think
her name is eve and she must be rude.
au contraire my friends, au contraire.
eve is me, 'tis tru
but rude is sly.

i have befriended and dated a few black men and one thing i have found to be true: they ALL have aliases; i'm not joking. and here i apologize in advance if i offend someone; i'm not sure the statistics- but these aliases must make it easier to cheat. just sayin.

i knew a keith, aka david
a joseph- who also went by ezra
there was nick, who was really bernard
and a rob sometimes called robert (not that strange i know, but his whole name- first and middle was: robert e. lee)

the list goes on & on & on.

white people don't seem to be as clever
my nickname as a child? evie
we dared to call my brother austin "aust" (crazy, i know)
my ex-husband was called mike by his family while i preferred michael (and at the end of our time (yes, like a prison sentence)- i liked "douche bag"- but that's definitely another story).
in high school i did know a muffy whom, i've since learned has spent her entire adult life trying to get back to her real name.

black people don't reserve these completely separate names and identities for men
it is the women too
i know a denise whom others call rell-rell
and there are others.

i'm sure i will stand corrected - i'm sure the name thing is cross- culture- i simply haven't experienced it in my culture.
in some ways it is BRILLIANT

think about it
you are dating keith
and you bump into an angry woman- a stranger you've never seen
she walks up to you
and accuses "you dating my man?"
and you think "what?"
and she says "c'mon, i know you dating david"
nervous at first because keith's behaviour is oft times sketchy you breathe a sigh of relief
"oh no" you respond "i'm dating keith"
and then the bitch slaps you
the other fact is
not only do black people have two names
all other black people have the secret code and they KNOW

back to rude eve's
i am eve
sly is rudolph
i did not know this when we first started dating
i may not have gone out with him, if i had known (kidding- have you seen his pictures i would've dated him if his name was shelly or cindy- who cares? just close your eyes and imagine my life- a calm hot man- with a beautiful accent, a calm demeanor - and he loves to cook and bake- hello? wwjd?)
i didn't know.
sometimes, when we were first an item and i was still drinking way too much wine
i would call him when i knew he couldn't answer so i could listen to his voice mail recording
and i never knew what he was saying
i got the last name
but it seems he didn't know his first name- or was stumbling over it
it seemed the wine was effecting my ears.
"you've reached blblb quashie, please leave a message"
i would ask friends to listen; quickly upon hearing his accent they too were sucked in and did not know nor did they care what he was saying.

once, we were walking together and this dude starts yelling "rudolph! ohmygod, rudolph!" and i of course, oblivious to this "two name world" kept walking- i did not realize i was alone until i crossed the street- i turned and sure enough sly was hugging "dude".

i walked back and was introduced
interjection: not only do black people "dual name" but when west indians get together and speak excitedly i have NO IDEA what is being said- i sit there stupefied- i don't even pretend to know anymore- i just sit and try really hard to pick out words i recognize....

i was dating sly
and then i met rudolph
same guy
same lover
different name

and at first i thought
"oh, here we go again" and i sort of winced waiting for some strange angry woman to bitch slap me in queens.

but she hasn't, not yet anyway.
the point is
sly was rude when he was younger subsequently, his mama started calling him "rude" and then "rude" grew to "rudolph"

so even though i am honest (if you ask me i WILL tell you) i am not rude
sometimes sly says i am- he thinks that because i grew up in madison, connecticut i am automatically in some category of snobbery (talk about profiling). i'm not rude. i will reiterate; i am honest- i calls 'em likes i sees 'em.
sly is rude.
and i am eve.
rude eve's, get it?

we thought about calling ourselves sly eve, but i didn't want people to think i was deceitful.

and now the food
caramelized onion focaccia- simply amazing
once you see it- you too will want to date sly, rudolph. sly. rudolph.

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