some stories are so funny; we laugh until we cry and some stories are so sad we cry before we finish, but all stories need to be told...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

if you want to be a satisfied american- lower your standards

my swiffer broke and i am pissed
and this IS what is wrong with america.
sly's calm cool response? "it isn't made to last forever"- he's right, nothing is.
and no, it wasn't the deluxe swiffer sweeper (because then i would be REALLY peeved and would totally start a letter writing campaign to the asshole ceo's and marketing masters sitting at home with their feet up smoking cigars and laughing about the cheap plastic they've implemented in the new sleeker design)
what angers me is that the manufacturers of such products do this on purpose; people who have never had to live paycheck to paycheck design and market products for the losers who need them- they've stolen the glory i felt when i was finally able budget in a "luxury" item such as said swiffer.
either i am incredibly strong or swiffers are stupid & weak.
here's me "swiff swiff swiffering" beneath the table and in the other "impossible to reach spots" that exist to us that can only afford an upright hoover- you know the vacuum without a floor attachment- which is super - especially when you are trying to clean FLOORS.
i know it is wrong to judge- but secretly we all do it- i can tell alot about you by your swiffer.
my friend janet is upper middle class- easily identified by her swiffer sweeper- you know the one with the bottle of cleaning fluid attached?- you just push a button and TADAAA your floor is clean. unlike us barelyabovepoverty folk who own the very first swiffer model- the one where YOU spray the floor with some sort of solution- then swipe swipe swipe and turn the cloth around to use the clean underside-
i may not own the deluxe model, but i am clearly better off than povertylevel folk who just give their kids wet rags and direct "maryjo, now you hol' onto these here rags girl" and "bubba- now you grab maryjo by the ankles and run around this here house"- which in fact is brilliant- you tire the kids and the husband out all the while secretly cleaning your floors.
my stepmother is in a class of her own- she has a regular model swiffer, a swiffer sweeper AND a swiffer that plugs in and sucks up the crumbs that usually just get pushed around and then swept into one of the spaces between floor boards.
back to the point.
now my $20 some odd dollar swiffer is just all wrong; ugly and broken. the plastic snapped and sly repaired it- with usps tape- (you know, the free roll you get when you sign up for click n' ship). crankily i kept telling him "don't fix it- just throw it away"....whine whine...."i mean if we had electrical tape (i do have standards) it might be fixable- but don't waste the expensive staples brand packing tape on something it won't work on" whine whine whine.
the usps tape DID work and the swiffer is fixed-
but it is ridiculous that nothing is made to last- and frustrating.
nobody cares
we have all lowered our standards
today the swiffer breaks
tomorrow the hoover will give out
followed by a series of travesties inclusive of
sarah palin winning the presidency
the day after that i will swim all willy nilly to tobago to live out the rest of my days
where i shall recline on the beach, sip rum from a coconut and laugh at the silly americans in possession of the lowest standards of all.

1 comment:

  1. with the rise of big box stores, we can now get duct tape for around a dollar a roll and electrical tape for even less!!!

    and the coupon at the bottom of the page is for a free swiffer....


    stupid stuff i see and hear and
    bruce johnson jadip