i remember thinking, as i would lie in the sun throughout my youth and adulthood- smearing baby oil with iodine all over myself - and once my sister and i were so desperate for "lotion" that we used CRISCO (yes we burned badly; i'm pretty sure that most of my current skin damage stems from that day)- but i remember thinking "it doesn't matter if i damage my skin, there will be something to fix it". i was right- there is a plethora of injectible solutions out there-
here's the thing; botox is a sad attempt to hold onto something that isn't ours to keep. all of the youthful remedies are really really pathetic-they have taken away our dignity and our ability to age and accept ourselves while doing it. i know i know- i hear women screaming "liberation and freedom" and "our right to do whatever we so choose" but i don't buy it. is it what you REALLY want or are you trying to keep up with what american society dictates women should look like?
my mother, with whom i haven't spoken in 3 years, went to florida for 5 weeks. nobody really knows why- she just went. hold on a second- let me get out my rocket science notebook and calculator; let me call my friend janet (we've made a lot of calculations together over the years)- while i'm speaking to her, she googles "facelift" and oh, there it is, "approximate recovery time- with post operative visits and removal of stitches- about 5 weeks". so my mother had a facelift OR hoping to open her own puka bead necklace shop, she was looking for seashells; she stayed for 5 weeks wanting to give herself enough time to gather the necessary materials without raising suspicion towards her absence. i don't know, you decide.
and here's thing about all this crap. at first, woman look okay; some woman look amazing. but it seems a slippery slope- anti-aging techniques seem to be addictive- it must probe at the brain cells and make woman lose the ability to see themselves as they appear in the . maybe these woman only ever looked at themselves in the side-view mirrors of automobiles? when they see their own hideously ginormous lips a subliminal message starts to play in their head "objects in this mirror may appear closer (and larger and puffier and more artificial) than they actually are. woman go from looking good to looking freakish and nobody says anything- except me & janet- and then we look like whiny bitches.
i don't care if you choose the freakish path for the rest of your days. what bothers me is when you don't admit it. so i sit here and watch sophia loren, whom i'm pretty sure should be dead by now, in interviews talking about her skin regimen and i want to puke. and joan rivers has, in my warped mind, become the white woman equivalent of michael jackson- so very very wrong that i cannot even look at her, especially when i am eating. and my own mother who slipped away to florida and came back appearing "rested and YOUTHFUL" five weeks later is added to my rocket science freak list-
there are days when i look at my own reflection and cannot believe what i see- where has time gone and who is that person looking back at me? there are days when i am bowled over in humiliation when someone asks me "how old is your grandson?" and they are referring to my 3 year old. there are days when i wish i could take a butter knife and the vacuum and "fix" myself. but for the most part, if i take the time, i am proud of what i see. i am growing and blossoming (and spreading and settling). i am following life's natural path; eventually mother nature will win. i don't want to waste my days worrying about my next scheduled botox appointment or if my hair cut covers the extra pulled skin behind my ears.
i spent a lot of time at the beach this summer with my beautiful perfect meditarranean-olive skinned stepmother. a smidge over 60 she looks incredible- honestly- and as we were walking in bathing suits on the shore she said to me "one of the most difficult things to accept about aging is that people still look at you, but they don't see you as a sexual being anymore-" that really struck me and has stayed with me. i look at older people differently now- understanding that they too still have needs and desires-
i wish that we could all liberate ourselves and see how truly beautiful we are and what a gift an amazing gift this life is.
it has been said that ironing compromises the integrity of the fabric- this holds true for humans too. we are meant to wear & wrinkle- it shows our true character and begins to tell our story before we even open our mouths.
and now for the food bit:
perhaps a rosemary & olive oil focaccia should be the snack choice of the day- the healthierlife.com reports: "recent research is now revealing even more benefits attached to this remarkable herb (rosemary), including its ability to help prevent cancer and age-related skin damage, boost the functioning of the liver and act as a mild diuretic to help reduce swelling".
i bid adieu and guiltlessly grab a bottle of wine to take with me out into the sun.